Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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