You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
