I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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