You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
