a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize