Girls should come with a carfax report
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
