I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize