Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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