I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
