New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
