someone threw a dead crab at me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
