You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
