just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You left your phone here
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