your parents love me but you hate me
I just cut my nipple shaving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
