i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
