spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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