I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize