just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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