you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize