he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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