I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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