We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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