dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
