we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
