ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
