and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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