If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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