Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
