Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize