Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When are your genitals available?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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