i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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