I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
