turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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