Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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