come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
