I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
