She said her name was "party"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
