Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
