I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
