That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And then my night got REAL pukey
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
