Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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