corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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