You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
