I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
