I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
