thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
