I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
