Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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