Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
