If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
