Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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