Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm always down for nudity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
