On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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