Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
