KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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