her facebook's as public as her vagina
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
