Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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