I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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