I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize