I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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