i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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