hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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