Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
